Preach It Rev Wright

Preach it, Rev. Wright. The more you tell your wonderfully askew point of view on life here in America, the more I realize that a normal thinking person could not have sat under your tutelage, unless they agreed with you.

Even more unsettling than your views of AIDS and 9/11 is that fact that Barack Obama would have us, the American public, believe that he was unaware of the extent of these views. That is unbelieveable. What, he (Obama) sat in church and simply didn't listen? If that is the case, why on earth would we as a people want him for president? So he can sit through cabinet meetings, and conveniently say he didn't realize what was being said.....that whatever happens because of these cabinet meetings, falls on someone else in the meeting? Brother, if you can't pay attention in church, than cabinet meeting aren't for you.

Barack Obama is already showing a yellow streak of fear. Anyone having a pastor like Rev. Wright would have to know what absurd views that he holds. To denounce those views, now that the light of the media has fallen on them, is a sign of cowardice. How ever much that I have disagreed with George Bush on things, being a coward is not one of the things I see in the President.

In this great country of the United States of America, we can hold what ever sort of view we want. I do not agree with Rev. Wright, but because of the many brave soliders who fight and die for our nation and it's people, he and I have the right to expound on our personal opinions. So, I say, preach it.

getting older

I turn 35 years old today. Hmmm. That's all. Just getting older, not sure how much wiser though. Let you know when I figure it out....

shopping carts

Yesterday, as I was running into Krogers for a few items, it occured to me that if I had been a cowboy long ago, it would have been I who had the gimpy horse. I know this because, never fail, I always get that cart. You know the one.....yes, my friend, you do.

Whether it be the right front wheel swinging wildly in the air, with no intention of ever touching the ground again, or the left rear wheel that is sooo tired of screaming children in it's tiny passenger seat, that it refuses to ever move again. I have a knack of picking those carts. If carts were horses, mine would always be gimpy.

I have decided to be ok with this. If I were that gimpy cart, who had been shunned by anyone who comes near me, just because one of my wheels was in psychosis, I would be grateful for someone to appreciate that my other three wheels were working overtime to compensate for any percieved shortcomings. I, as that cart, would be proud to drive lopsidedly along.

Come along gimpy, come along. ;)

giving flowers

Today is the tenth anniversary of my cousin's passing away. He died at the age of 27. That age seems somewhat old and yet, terribly young, doesn't it? You know the old adage 'time marches on', well today it rings loud for me. As I got ready for the day this morning, I saw the age that the past ten years has added to my facial features, and I for once, was thankful for the little lines that come with time.

I had the strongest urge to go to his gravesite, I just wanted to touch his tombstone, and lay flowers there to honor his life. I know that nothing can bring him back, but still. I talked to his sister and learned that their mother, my aunt is very sick in the hospital. After I hung up, I decided against the 2 hour round trip to his gravesite. I don't know what he would have done. He might have visited my grave today, if it was I who had died all those years ago. I have come to realize that the pain of losing him is far outweighed by the joyful memories of him. We were normal cousins, spats and all. But in us ran a deep connection; blood, upbring, being of the same generation. I am not sure what it was, but it was always there. He never meet a stranger. never ever.

I decided today that his precious mother who has almost died several times, both from physical illness and sheer grief, needed the flowers that I was so intent on delivering today. You know the old adage ' give flowers to the living.....'. Today, I kept that one.

mingling dirt

Mike and I went to Mama Arey's house on Saturday. It was such an enjoyable day. While my husband worked on the gutters and things of that nature, I helped Mama in her flower beds.....I'm not sure how much work was done, but it was enough to make her happy.



While there, she asked me if I would like any starts off of her flowers or trees. Well, of course. I was digging up a small start from a bush, and saw some little green sprouts that I had mistakenly gotten as well. I asked her what they were, and if I should put them back. She's like " Oh no honey, those are just lilies, take them too." Only at her house does one try to get a start from a bush, and end up with lilies to boot.



She gave me several starts - the bushes, lilies, peonies, and flags too. I will try with all my might to get these precious starts to grow, and all the while she has columbine growing in the cracks of her sidewalk. There are crocus growing wild throughout her yard and even in the gravel of the driveway. It seems as if either the place or the dirt is magical. Maybe it is there, where the flower fairies that I believe in, orginated. It might be a hub for all the tiny do good flower fairies. I hope I got one along with my starts.



I have said ALL THAT to get to this point. Yesterday as I was transplanting all my new treasures, after I got each start out of the plastic bag, I would turn the bag upside down and empty all the dirt out, into the flowers' or bushes' new home. I really didn't think much about it until I had gotten done with all of them. As I got up off my knees, I grabbed the last bag and wadded it up. I noticed it still had dirt in it. I thought, "Ah it's just dirt." and kept walking towards the door to the house. I stopped abruptly, because my second thought was "It's magical dirt, from years of love, care and devotion." Not just to the flowers, and all the yard items, but the house even. Just Mama. I wanted to mingle Mama's dirt with the dirt at my house. Mingle - to mix together, blend: to join or unite with.

Food Whore

There, it is written. It is true. I have heard that the first step of recovery is admitting that there is a problem. Well, really? I love food. Correction, adore food. I joined Weight Watchers, and have lost alittle over 10 pounds. That looks like such a little amount when paired with the amount of weight I need to lose. I weigh as much as some NFL players .....what the??? I'm not sure when it happened. I realize that I didn't just go to bed one night, and bang.....size 24/26 the next morning. But in hindsight, I can't really put my finger on anything. I eat just like everyone else, I thought. CLEARLY NOT.
Food Whore. As for these people that lose 25 lbs, and are perfectly thin, I want to say "Yes I am happy for you, I know you had a problem. You solved it, way to go." But, the fat girl in me wants to scream, REALLY??? REALLY????? If you haven't ever thought of rolling around naked {by yourself ;) } in a mansized pizza or huge chocolate cake, then you do not have a food issue problem. I have thought of it. Daydreamed quite extensively of it, to be honest.
Food is my drug of choice. Herion, cocaine, even alcohol has never held any allure for me. But food, OMG. I want to get to the place where I can say that food was my choice of drugs. How do you get there? With other drugs, one can walk away, remove the drug entirely from their lives. Not so with food, we must have it in order to survive. It is always going to be lurking. I guess that anyone with an addiction thinks that their type of addiction is the worst of the worst. Maybe, maybe not. Who flippin knows, anyone got any answers??
I am not sure how to re-program myself. I don't even know if I want to. I do want to be a smaller size. What size? Is there a magic size at which I will be happy with myself? I am scared now. I have reached a place that I need to lose weight to remain healthy. I want to see my boys grow up and not have them worry about my health (just because I can't say no to a second portion every time.). To see my grandchildren, and to play with them. Can I lose weight for them, or must I do it for myself?
I realize that weight is just one area in your life, a person must be rounded in all areas to be truely happy. But if you've ever been really heavy, then you understand how being fat can overwhelm every aspect of your life. BEING FAT.......that is me. Maybe I can relate BEING FAT with FOOD WHORE. They sure go hand and hand for me.